Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Time: 11 - 6pm (about 1 hr break)
Mood: Pretty good
Impression: pretty good
Today was my first day selling my soul. It wasn't as bad as I thought. Can I say that what I wrote was good? Define good. How do you judge erotic fiction? I guess the only measure is whether or not it's arousing. So was it arousing for me to write it? Hmmm, HELL YES! To be blunt, I spent the first 3 hours of the day... how do I put this... "excited" about what I was doing. That is a hell of the way to spend a work day.
There should be no surprise though. For me it's like comedy, I'm writing exactly what fancies me. Now will others feel the same way? I imagine it will be 'Fixing Cupid.' Some people will read it and like it and others won't.
I have made a decision though. I will be offering this book for free. On the forum I hang out on, many people often talk about giving away 10 of thousands of books. And personally I just need to see a large sales number next to my name. I need to feel wanted as a writer. If I write a second one in the series I'll price it accordingly. But I just need an ego boost right now. Certainly a couple days of work is worth getting my ego stroked.
I wanted to write 4K words today. That is the length of many erotic stories. This one will probably be 8K to 10K. Instead I wrote 3K. That makes this not a 2 day venture but a 3 day venture. Oh well. But I will wake up early tomorrow and get an earlier start. Maybe I can get in 8 hours of writing and finish it off. I doubt it but who knows.
Jeez, 6 hours of writing. I remember when I would claim exhaustion after 3 hours. What a wuz I was. I would have put in another hour or two today if I didn't have to go to Touch Rugby. But instead, let's hope for a more productive day tomorrow.
Also, I just realized that this is the 7th genre that I'm working in. It's either like I'm trying to prove something to myself or that I'm really lost and looking for a genre that will take me in. Whatever the problem, this is not the way to build a career.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I was going to do it to try to boost my writer's ego which has taken some bruising recently. So this morning I posted a thread asking erotic fiction writers for advice. The result was 7 pages of really funny postings: http://www.kindleboards.com/index.php/topic,81964.0.html .
It turns out that writing erotic fiction that sells is a lot of work. Well, I'm not willing to put the work in because it will take me too far away from my real works. So instead, I will be writing a few very erotic stories that I will publish under a pen name. The difference in what I thought I was going to do is that I am going to write a few stories in my usual style and I won't expect any sales from them.
You may ask what will be the purpose of these since they won't help to promote my other works and they won't sell in large numbers? I'm not sure. But I have a great erotic fiction title, great characters, and a great erotic plot. And I'm not talk stupid porn story lines, I'm talking stories based on some of the most interesting sex workers that I've ever met. One of the characters in the book will be this guy i once met who was at once incredibly sympathetic as well as almost completely dead inside. The light was almost out behind his eyes but his little boy self still kind of peaked through. I imagine by now he is either in jail or doing things that only a person who was pure evil would do.
As soon as he told me his story, I knew I wanted to write about him. But I assumed that I never would because I certainly wasn't going to write erotic fiction. But I guess that everybody does masturbate so this masturbatory act is right in line with human nature.
Maybe the end result is that I will get better at writing sex. Who knows. But certainly it will give me a few extra days to think about the plot for 'Hide From The Reaper.'
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Time: 11 - 12:30am (3 hours break)
Mood: Pretty Good
Impression: It is clever, but it needs one more pass
I was telling a friend about this book today. As soon as I mentioned the first part of the story, she stopped me and said "Umm, Cristian some people are not going to like this. Aren't you worried that some people will use this in the wrong way?" The answer? Yes. But after I explained all of the story, her next response was "brilliant."
Last night I explained the book to someone else and she said, "You shouldn't publish it. It will harm your reputation and the reputation of your 'Everybody Masturbates' books. She backed off a little when I explained to her that the Everybody Masturbates books weren't meant to be sacred.
But I understand what she was saying. And it crosses my mind as well. Will my Everybody vs The Ferret books make readers view me as creepy and not worthy of the trust it takes to buy my book 'Everybody Masturbates.'
I can't live in fear though. My Everybody vs The Ferret books are very intelligent pieces of satire. So I think that if you read the whole book, they are little treasures. But not everyone is going to understand it as satire. I think that there will be a backlash. Oh well, because I will publish them no matter the consequences.
On another topic, I have decided what my next book will be. It will be a sequel to Run From the Reaper called Hide From the Reaper. What finally decided it for me was that starting another series would be financially irresponsible. I need to have sequels so that I at least have a shot at making my living as a writer. And for right now, I need to write books that those who like my work will also like. That is how writers make a living.
This weekend I will put together the cover for Ferret 3. Hopefully after that I will have an editor that will take a pass on it. Then I publish. So that means that next week I start to think about what the second Reaper story will be.
I wrote the source material for Run From the Reaper about 8 years ago. I was in a different mindset back then. I am a fundamentally different person back then. I don't tell stories the same way anymore. I considered myself a screenplay writer back then. Now I'm a novelist. It's very different.
Novels are longer and fuller. The characters are richer. And since then my characters have become a lot darker. My life has become darker since then. Hide From the Reaper will probably explore some new dark secret that I would like to experience.
I'm not really looking forward to writing it, but it is still early in the process. Odds are that before I start I will find some new aspect of desire that I would like to explore. I promise to not create trash. There is a specialness to Run From the Reaper but that story has already been told. But I think there are other ways within that world to find specialness.
But I guess I can talk about it all I want. In a few month we will all see. I also wonder how many books are enough. This book makes number 11. The question is, how many does it take. Some people have 4 or 5 and do quite well. How many do I need? I think I need 4 more. 15 stories sounds like a lot of books, right? That will be enough, right?
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Time: 11 - 3
Mood: Pretty good
Impression: Extremely Clever
Today I finished Everybody vs The Ferret: 3. It is super clever. It is certainly the most clever of the 3. I don't know if I will ever write another one though. From a business standpoint the market of these books are a little sketchy. They were written to be stories that fans of my work could pick up for cheap. But people who are unfamiliar with my other works would probably try to get my shunned for them.
In either case, unless sales dramatically pick on them, or someone expresses interest in optioning the TV pilot, I don't see the purpose in doing any more. I am proud of the ones that I did do though. And I do hope that people decide to give them a try. They are all pretty clever satirical looks at growing up in the Internet age.
On other fronts, it looks like after two weeks I have to find another roommate. Maybe not for Sept 1st, but for sometime very soon. It's too bad. We got along well.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Time: 11 - 6 (1hr break)
Impression: It possibly crosses the line
Today was the first full day of writing that I put into Everybody vs The Ferret: 3. I thought that I would do more than did, but it's not too bad. The important thing is that even if I did more tonight, I wouldn't finish until tomorrow anyway. So I decided to call it quits today and play some touch rugby tonight.
When I was writing today, I definitely feel like I may have crossed a line. As I wrote it I could see the responses that some readers will have. There are people that thought my book Fixing Cupid was too much for them. Geez, this is way beyond that. And my only defense is that these aren't real kids. There animated characters with fruits for heads. That should give me a certain level of creative license. The story is clever though, so I have that going for it.
And this morning I was also giving some thought to Light Rider or Lightening Rider (I will have to choose one as a working title. Lightning Rider is a little more compelling and sound less like Knight Rider.
So I was thinking about Lightning Rider and there might be another good reason not to write it. The audience for the book would be teens. The way most authors make a living writing is that they write books that attracts readers that can go on to purchase their other books. Let's say a 14 year old reads Lightning Rider and they like it. That 14 year old checks out the rest of my books. What other book of mine can they buy?
If they thought oh, this is a YA writer so Samurai Zombie Hunter must be kid friendly, they would be pretty shocked when they read the book. Even Fixing Cupid and Run From The Reaper aren't kid friendly books. The question is why would I go after a completely different audience that wouldn't be able to just move onto one of my other series?
It seems that even though I am continuing to develop the story in my head, this series doesn't seem like a smart I idea from a business perspective. Hmmm...
Oh, I just checked. There are already 2 books called Lightning Rider. So Light Rider it is.
Oh, and I forgot. I got a new review for Fixing Cupid today on all sites. The title of the review is 'Laugh Out Loud Funny!' It's a great review in spite of the fact that it was three stars.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
On the other hand, I also like the concept of my YA books and I was looking forward to exploring the worlds. I could potentially make the girl a boy. But the problem with that is that girls are the YA readers. But I guess what those girls are reading are vampire stories, so Sci Fi or not, it still won't go after the bulk of the YA crowd.
The other problem is that I wonder if my style of writing is conducive to YA readers. I feel most comfortable writing emotive characters driven by sexual desire and the need to connect. I think that that would work if the characters were 16, but who reads books about a 16 year old boy? Other than 'I A Number Four' what other sci fi books are there about 15 or 16 year old boys?
I just took a look at the top teen books and the list is dominated by action adventure books. But of the top 20 books, only 6 have boys as the focus. Granted 4 of the other 14 are from one author, but still, out of those 6 only 2 books from the 'I Am Number Four' book series is about a 15 year old boy.
I don't know. I have to think about it some more. I'm kind of leaning against it right now. But I could always change my mind. I'll have to see. Certainly an idea would be to make the book less sci-fi and more fantasy, as in elves and woodland creatures and stuff. That would be more female oriented. But other than Lord of the Rings, and The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe, I'm not into fantasy.
The other thing is that I know that my book concept would make a great TV series if I made it a boy. I think that it's less appealing as a TV show if it's a girl character.
Oh, but I just thought of a potential name for it "Light Rider". What do you think? It's would be about a 15 year old that is having a horrible life and decides that he would pray to the universe to end it all. He gets his wish when he slips into a white light and wakes up in the body of another kid on a distant planet. But it turns out that the inhabitant of the body exited because he too was having a horrible life. But where as the Light Rider couldn't deal with his own life, his difficult life has prepared him exceptionally well for the challenges of this new life which includes... it could be a dystopian world that involves romance and teenage love. That part is a little flexible. But I would want it to be action adventure. 8 of the top 10 books are action adventure and I think it would be the most fun to write and read.
But I don't know. I really have to reconsider this. I really don't want to waste my time with this book when I could just start on the sequels to Samurai Zombie Hunter or Run From the Reaper.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Time: 11 - 11:30
Impression: Not great
I wrote before I headed to the set of 'The Closer.' But I had a very short time before I left. I have to go back over it to add more one-liners. On Monday, I don't have anything scheduled. Hopefully I can sit down and crank out most of it.
On another topic, yesterday I was thinking about my life. I have stated before that I was never as spiritual and connected to everything around us then I was when I was 17. No other time in my life compares. I also openly state how much I truly hate my life. But here's the kicker, this life is what the 17 year old version wanted for me. He would very much approve of everything about who I am. He might even consider my life a success. How fucked up is that?
But I have to say that he was never clear about the details of what he wanted for me. He looked at things in big pictures. And he was such that he didn't care for money, or material possessions. The only thing he cared about was that I would create things that helped to make other people's lives better. How fucked up was he?
He gave up all that was good and blissfully happy about who he was so that the me of today would end up here. He would have probably have been cool if I lost a limb, if it meant that I could then use that disability to inspire someone else. He was prepared to live a life with nothing as long as I was doing things to leave the world better than I found it. And I think I can definitively say that he had absolutely no regard for me and my happiness. What a fucking shit he was! Just an absolute shit!
But here's the thing that I don't get about how my life has turned out, it was his conscious plan to allow himself to fade away so that the me of today could emerge. But the thing I don't get is how he has been able to keep such a tight grip over my life for the 20 years that followed. He faded away. Did he plant something in my brain so that I couldn't get away from the path that he wanted me to live? Is he still steering me now even though he is barely even a memory to me anymore?
Ok, since I view 17 year old Cristian as responsible for everything I hate about my life, I'm officially putting him on my enemies list. So far, my list of enemies include: My life; and 17 year old Cristian.
The other day I was also giving some thought to why I hate my life so much. And I think that I've narrowed it down to one thing; hope. It's funny I say that because 17 year old Cristian had a lot to say about hope. He even had a saying about it that he would say as often as he got the opportunity. He made it up himself and was very proud of it. It goes: Hope is a concept created by society, to maintain the premise that there is no god; and their is a god.
Often after he said it, it would inspire conversation and he would go on to explain it. He believed that the essence of hope is forward looking. Hope is about believing that tomorrow could be better than today. And at the heart of what 17 Cristian believed was that today/right now was good enough. And if we looked past the satisfying moments of right now when we aren't hungry or thirsty, where we have somewhere to sleep and aren't in mortal danger, if we looked past all of that, we will miss the glory of the universe. Because in the truest sense, there is no future or past, only a continuous series of right nows. And the more we focus on how great right now is, the more wonderful our life would seem. And for that reason, 17 year old Cristian railed against the concept of hope.
Putting that aside, I have completely lost all hope for my life. I no longer believe that my life will get any better than what it is right now (you know, the one I hate). In fact, if I were to chart out my life for the last 5 years or so, what it would lead me to believe is that it will get progressively worse.
So if you ever wanted to know what it's like to be me, imagine waking up every morning and then thinking that today will be worse than the previous day. Now imagine what it's like for me to think about my life in a week, or a month or a year. To be quite honest, when I think of life in 3 or 4 years I become overwhelmed by how much worse it will be than the horrible today and all I could do is pray that it never comes. I pray that it will all come to a merciful conclusion as quickly as possible, yet still it lingers on like a medieval torture device.
So, that's my life. To me my life is in a permanent state of decline which in spite of my intelligence and everything else, I can't slow down, much less reverse. And for those of you who wonder what's up with me. That is what's up with me and why I so intensely hate my fucking life. Oh yeah, that plus stuff that I would never write about. Now let's all bow our heads in prayer.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Time: 10am - 5pm (lots of breaks)
Mood: Pretty good
Impression: It was pretty good
Yesterday I did some background work on a Judd Apatow's new movie 'This is Forty'. Judd Apatow wrote and directed Knocked Up, Forty Year Old Virgin, and either wrote or directed Pineapple Express, Funny People and a ton of other stuff. It was an eye opening experience watching him work.
Apatow has a unique way of working. What he does is point 3 cameras at the actors and then he has the actors say the lines in the script. And after that's done, he comes up with lines on the fly and yells it out for his actors to say. The lines that he came up with just got funnier and funnier. I write comedy, of course, and I was intimidated by how he was able to come up with line after line on the fly.
The more experienced comedic actors (Paul Rudd and Robert Smigel) re-interpreted the lines given and then improvised on top of them (especially Robert Smigel). I'm really glad I saw it. I learned a lot.
In the one movie I directed there was comedy but it was situational humor. The humor in my movie was actor proof. They just had to do what was in the script and I edited the situation together to make it funny. But what Apatow was doing was on a whole other level. I tip my hat to you sir. I'm impressed.
So between filming I would go back to holding and write a little for 'Everybody vs The Ferret: 3'. Today when I reviewed it, I was actually surprised that I had written so much. It was extremely difficult to block out all of the talking and music to write. But I'm happy with what I did. After re-reading the outline, I realized that the outline is pretty great and makes me laugh. I don't have to add any more humor to it. But if I am worth my salt, I will add funny lines within the situational humor to really make it pop.
But watching Apatow work I kind of wish that I wrote with someone else. Sure Apatow came up with funny lines, but what really made the comedy sing was what the comedic actors added to it. That is a partnership. I imagine that the movie is funnier because of the collaboration. Oh well.
On another topic, today was D-day on that thing that I wasn't looking forward to doing. It seems that I've gotten permission to kick that can further down the road. Is it a good thing? Odds are no. But seriously, who wants to live forever?
One of the great lines in 'This if Forty' involves Paul Rudd fantasizing about the glory of the imaginary "The Second Wife". Judd says "a second wife wouldn't always nag me to eat healthier". Smigel says "Yeah, but maybe if you were on your second wife, you might want to eat healthier. Can you imagine actually wanting to live longer?"
So funny! And they came up with that after Apatow yelled something out to them. All of that was improvised! That is how it rolled out of their mouth. Damn!
Well, I say, maybe if I had my fantasy second wife I might actually want to live longer. But since I don't. I'll focus more on the time that's in front of me. So, there's the can, there's the road and here's my kicking. Bye bye can!
Monday, August 15, 2011
This will certainly be the most ambitious project that I have ever embarked on and I am going to give myself a year to do it. That means that other than the occasional 'Everybody vs The Ferret' release, I won't have anything new until sometime next year. Unluckily, I don't think too many people will notice.
My plan is to make this book my greatest display of creativity and ability. I will try to give it the humor of 'Happiness thru the Art of... Penis Enlargement' without the sex; the page turning action of 'Run From the Reaper'; and the chapter structure and heart of 'Samurai Zombie Hunter.' I'm hoping that this will be my best work.
Oh course, I said the same thing about 'Samurai Zombie Hunter.' And maybe Samurai is my best work, but I haven't heard back from the first reader yet (the editor) so it's still possible that readers won't connect with it.
But, I'm going into this new series with a different mindset than I did my most recent books. I wrote my recent books to sell. I'm writing this new series to be a special work of literature that helps readers to understand their place within the universe better. And I'm putting that understanding in as compelling a story as I know how to write. The books will be dealing with the topic that is the most important of all topics. And I plan on writing a book series that uses all of the storytelling ability that I have in me.
If I remember precisely, I said the same thing about 'Samurai' and that one almost made me lose my mind. Hmmm, I don't think I could go through that for an entire year. Maybe this series will require a different part of me that isn't so deeply personal.
Anyway, this week I have my new roommate moving in. After that I think I will restart work on 'Everybody vs The Ferret: 3'. I had stopped working on it when I decided to quit writing (and had to come up with rent). But if I remember correctly, it was a hell of a piece of satirical work. I just wish more people were reading those short stories. They really are very good... especially 2 and what I remember of 3.
After I finish that book, I think I have some more visual effects work on the movie 'Cats Dancing on Jupiter'. It's a movie starring Amanda Righetti from The Mentalist and Captain America. It's also pretty good.
After that I will probably have to do some background work on a TV show or movie. But while on set I will probably start the very long process of outlining all of the books that will be in the series. I would like to write all of the books back to back and this series is one that will require a grand plan before I start. I am really hoping that this is the group of books that defines my work. It won't exactly be genre fiction but I'm hoping that this is the series that introduces readers to my genre works.
On other notes, I have uploaded the paperback version of Run From The Reaper. It's isn't live yet, but it should be in the next couple of days. And today my editor Amy Oppenheim delivered the re-edited book 'Fixing Cupid' to me. I guess this weekend I will resubmit it as a second edition and I will start formatting the paperback version.
Today, Amy was also the second person to tell me that I "deserve" to be a successful author. She said it because she enjoyed both books she edited. So I thank her for her great work and the compliment. I really do have to figure out a way to get my books in front of more readers. I keep seeing writers from the KindleForum taking off in popularity. I'm saddened by the fact that I still struggle to sell real quantities of books. I guess it could never have really happened until they had this second edit. So here's to hoping the path has been cleared for a brighter future.
It's funny, I'm here thinking about restarting 'Everybody: 3' and I can feel the pressure that I feel about writing comedy. I need to wipe it out of my mind. I think it's time for a little more mindless television.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
But last night as I lie in bed I considered this: The reason why Rowling's stories are so good is because of a couple of things. The obvious thing is the creativity and good writing. But what is equally as important is the magic. People like being told about magical places, Narnia, Middle Earth, The Matrix. Magic is cool. If I were to do what she did, magic would be necessary.
Now here's the thing, how long am I going to live? How long are any of us going to live. And when I'm gone, what will be left of me? Kids? Ha! No, a life-sized bronze statue and my books. That's it. If I were to just copy Rowlings, would anyone care about the book in 3 year much less 40? No.
I do my best to write stories that after reading, people walk away thinking about their own life. One reviewer recently wrote "This is a story that will stick with me for a long time." Why, you may ask? Because the story made him reconsider his life. Would a well executed Rowlings knock-off bring about a reaction like that? I don't think so.
More than being successful... and lord knows I want my books to be successful... I want my books to make the reader reconsider their life in some way. I can remember telling someone that when I was 21 years old, and it still true today. I consider my greatest potential to be that I help people to better understand their life.
That is what my book Everybody Masturbates does. That is what Everybody Has Those Thoughts So It Doesn't Mean You're Gay does. That is what Happiness Thru the Art of... Penis Enlargement does, as well as Run From the Reaper, The First Day After Life and Samurai Zombie Hunter. That is what I write. And the idea that I should add a knock off of Harry Potter to those books is ridiculous.
So here is what I will write if I ever write another novel. The YA book series that I'm considering would be a series of books that take a look at what it is to be human. In Dante's Inferno, the protagonist visits new levels of hell until eventually he finds the devil. The series would be structured something like that where each book is a new world and a new level of humanity. Each of the worlds that the main character visits would be allegories for something that we generally consider to be a human condition.
So the first world would be one where they have learned to manipulate emotions through chemistry. I don't think that people understand how much our bio-chemistry determines our personality. In truth, if we change our bio-chemistry, all of the things that we think of as being characteristics of who we are would just go away. This would be the backdrop of the story.
Yes, the story would still be dystopian in nature and would be a new world on the brink of war and destruction. And there would be romance, fighting and people with incredible psychic powers. But behind all of it would be the idea that we, as humans aren't what we think we are. And if we deconstruct who we are, we would be surprised what is left.
Ok, I can already hear people being turned off by the premise of the book. Crap! I'm trying to write books that will be read after I'm gone. And maybe I'll fail. Hell, the odds are really good that I will fail. But I have to at least try.
I have always believed that the greatest sin that any of us could commit is to 'not live up to our greatest potential.' Call me arrogant, but I have always believed that I had the potential to help a massive amount of people to understand their life better. And that is what I should be trying to create, not a Rowlings knock off.
So I will not be thinking about Rowlings when/if I write my next book. I will be thinking about the stuff that I write and how I can lift my writing style to the next level. I might decide to make it a clear cut case of good vs evil (which is what Harry Potter is). And I might make the new world a little magical in comparison to our own, but Rowlings won't be in my head when I do it.
I am going to write a Cristian YoungMiller book. And I think that I have written enough books now that a reader could pick out my style. And if enough readers eventually come to like that style, maybe I will one day make a career out of it. But either way, those are the books that I will write. Oh god, I'm never going to have a successful career as a writer am I? Crappers! Oh well.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Today I spent my spare time formatting the book. And then in the middle of formatting I realized that I needed a blurb for Samurai Zombie Hunter. So then I stopped formatting and started working on the blurb. Here is what I came up with with feedback from a buddy of mine. What do you think? Someone I know rated it about a 7 out of 10 for intrigue. What is your rating?
Samurai Zombie Hunter
The extinction of humanity approaches… 10 years ago an infected priest stumbled out of the jungles of South America. No one saw him for who he was, the killer of millions. Now, the infection has spread across the globe. Governments crumble as they decide who could live and who must die.
Out of this pre-apocalyptic world emerges Van, a man who is ordinary in every way but one, he is a Samurai. Mysteriously abandoned by everyone he cares for, he is paralyzed with loneliness. And offering him the one thing he can’t live without, his exploiters manipulate him to hire out his sword. A river of zombie blood follows. To the pure, Van becomes a folk hero; to the secretly infected, his actions are the beginning of the war.
As humanity’s darkest forces gather on one side and the incurably diseased gather on the other, civilization is on the brink of its goriest war. And Van, blinded by love and a secret that could change the course of the world, has to decide who he must kill to prevent the zombie apocalypse.
In this book series, author Cristian YoungMiller uses action and dark humor to explore deeper themes such as sex, isolation, vulnerability and the killing of zombies with samurai swords.
On other fronts, I will be getting a new roommate in a week. I have long decided that I don't want to live alone. I did it for a while and liked it. But then a friend moved in and then out and I felt his absence. Ever since then I have had a roommate.
I have to say that I'm kind of excited about the new roomie. It will be nice to have a different type of energy in the house. I'm not going to say any more about it because something tells me that she will read this. But I look forward to the new experience.
Monday, August 8, 2011
I have been lucky enough to get a number of great reviews, but I think that I've never gotten as many flattering complements as I've gotten from this book... which is odd because I've also never gotten as many bad reviews. I know the bad reviews were because of the errors, but still, go figure.
Yesterday I also sent my book 'Samurai Zombie Hunter' to the editor. I chose the person I did because he emailed me and told me that he loves zombie fiction for the social commentary. After reading that I immediately called him and made him defend himself. He did. And he did it convincingly. Apparently Zombie fiction has a lot of social commentary. Who knew?
I'm told that Run From the Reaper is a good and unique book, but I think that Samurai Zombie Hunter will turn more heads. In spite of the fact that I hated that book for a long time; in spite of the fact that I stopped writing it for 6 months; in spite of the fact that I wanted to kill myself while writing it; in spite of the fact that I complained about it to no end; in spite of all of that, it is a truly unique book and... dare I say it... I'm proud of it. Wow, I kind of hate myself for saying it. Because I still hate that fucking book for what it did to me. But if people can't appreciate the brilliance in that book, then I'm just not that brilliant.
Who the hell else writes a book about a man who is trying to find himself as a human being and as a male in this society, while working as a samurai zombie hunter in a zombie infested world? Seriously, if people don't appreciate this book, I really should quit writing because I will never do anything more clever or touching than that. I put everything I had into that book. I don't have more in me than that. And if I am found dead in the woods, odds are very good that it has something to do with readers lack of appreciation for that book.
The editor told me that he should be done editing it on the 18th. When I told him the story, his first response was "you know that people are going to see it as an analogy for being in the closet, right?" That made me kind of glad. The definition of art is that people can see their issues in it even if the artist didn't intend that interpretation. I'm no artist, but I didn't intend that interpretation. So maybe this zombie book is going to approach the ranks of art. Ha! Wouldn't that be funny.
On another topic, I had an interesting exchange with a friend yesterday. I finally saw the last Harry Potter movie and as the movie hit the 2nd third I couldn't stop thinking how I could write a story like that. So I posted on twitter that "I could do that... and maybe I should." And a friend retorted by saying that I was arrogant and somewhat rude for making such a statement.
I have to say that I was a little surprised. This was the last person who I thought would doubt my ability. Granted he has never read any of my books so he doesn't have anything to base his doubt on, but it really surprised me none-the-less. I think that I offended him as a writer because I thought of JK Rowlings as just another creative person, and that anyone, much less me could equal her level of creativity. It was a little unusual. I'm not used to being chastised for believing in myself; especially by friends. My friends have actually been chosen for their unjustified belief in me. That's why I love them so.
Anyway, the book I was thinking about doing what Rowlings did, is the YA book that I was considering writing before I quit writing. The problem is that when I quit writing I let go of the book. Now I can't remember it. I remember the basics of it but not my pitch for the book. I told it to 3 people but I don't think they remember it either. Oh well.
When I quit writing I left 'Everybody vs. the Ferret 3' outlined and started but unfinished. So it isn't exactly like I don't have a book in the works, but it feels a little unusual that I don't have a novel in the works. I kind of feel a little worthless. I, sadly, am a writer. My greatest calling is to write. Yet, I'm not doing it. And I can't do it right now because I can't afford it. I'm feeling more than a little impotent (figuratively speaking) because of it. I'm feeling like I'm wasting my life. OK, thinking about it is starting to get me depressed so I'm not going to.
But in short, please purchase a copy of 'Run From The Reaper'. I'm told that it's very good read and it will make me very happy. :-)
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Finding out that this book had errors was the first thing to set me on my downward spiral. Or more precisely it was the reviews that I received because of those errors. After getting such great reviews for my other books, the bad reviews for this one almost killed me. My skin wasn't thick enough to withstand that.
But what I couldn't understand was how some of the people that gave me less than a 4 star reviews would recommend the book. Some three star reviews even strongly encouraged people to buy Run From the Reaper. Reading those reviews made me feel like I was in some sort of crazy Alice in Wonderland world. It really knocked me on my ass out of confusion.
But however I felt then, the book is now clean and almost ready to be distributed. There is only one other thing that I want to do before releasing it, which is include an author reading of the prologue as a bonus feature. The reading is practically done, but needs to be edited a little.
I have high hopes that his book could become a franchise. Some of the reviewers said the same thing. The editor said that she "absolutely loved" the book. You can't beat that. So once it is published I just need to figure out a way to let people know that the book is out there. Hopefully people will check it out. It really is an entertaining book. And it is only $1.99. It is absolutely worth the money.
As for what's going on in the rest of my life, today I contacted a woman I had sworn not to. I had stopped contact with her because although I enjoyed her company she was tough to embrace because she so effectively kept me at arms length. In the end I decided that she was acting that way because she didn't want to know me, but in my heart I knew that that wasn't it.
I still am not sure why she acts the way she does toward me, but I decided to contact her again anyway. I like the fantasy of being with her even if it can't happen in reality. But who knows maybe in the month since we've spoken she has made a decision about whether or not she wants me closer or at arms length.
Oh, also, a few entries back I spoke of something that I said I was going to do after I finished writing Samurai Zombie Hunter. Well, I'm done with SZH and there's no more escaping it. All of the vitamin D I'm on is preventing me from obsessing on it but D-day is here and I can't turn a blind eye anymore.
I can't believe that this is my life. To reveal something very dark about me, from the age of 14 I thought that I would die before my 28 birthday. And when that birthday came I was bewildered that I was still alive.
To be complete frank, I wonder if anything that I experienced since then was worth it. I seriously wonder. Certainly all of my more impressive accomplishments came after 28 but what does any of it matter in the grand scheme of things. I wouldn't have minded skipping the last 10 years.
Minus having made a movie and written 10 books all I have from the last 10 years is grey hairs and softer skin. I wouldn't have minded checking out in my prime... hey, I'm just saying. I absolutely dislike my life right now. And if wasn't for my friends and sporting activities I wonder what would have become of me.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
After that I got a few bad reviews for Run From the Reaper causing me to pull the book from shelves. It turned out that only reason for the bad reviews was because of the poor editing. Other than that the book was being praised. However, I couldn't see that at the time.
And because I was "all in" with my writing, I didn't have the money to hire an editor. That made me feel like a complete failure and like I had wasted my life. Because even through it all I thought that there was nothing else I was meant to do with my life. But it seemed that the one thing that I was supposed to do I couldn't do right.
And I don't know if you noticed this, but someone hacked my blogger.com account and Google shut my blog down. I thought it was gone for good because they didn't return control of it to me. I just happen to have thought about it today, and magically it was back.
Those were all of the dark things going through my mind. But since then I have managed to slightly stabilize my income. Not really, but kind of. I have also been able to hire a few professional editors that don't have book experience but wants to work on a book. That is allowing me to finally get my last 7 books professionally edited.
Also, after I gave up on being a writer I increased the price of my Everybody Masturbates books from 99 cents to the original price of $5.99. It turns out that not only have the sales not dropped at all, but my paperback book sales are back. They had practically disappeared after I lowered the price. Now there back to what they were at their peak.
The result of the price increase has been that July was the first month where I will be pocketing over $200 from my books. That would be my largest pay day so far.
And on top of that I have started a new business. I am doing affiliate marketing for an STD dating site called FindPositiveLove.com. Yes, that's right, it is an STD dating site. I have already created a commercial for it and I will be doing a lot more marketing for it. Did you know that 1 in 4 women in the US have genital herpes? Did you know that 1 in 5 men have it as well. Makes you think doesn't it? Anyway, if you know of anyone dealing with that or any STD and are single, point them to FindPositiveLove.com. Here is the commercial on YouTube. What do you think?
So after doing all of that I gathered myself back up and finished editing Samurai Zombie Hunter. It turns out that the book is good. When I stopped working on it I was really focused on how it wasn't your typical zombie book and hence wouldn't tap into the true zombie audience. I've come to peace with that. But what it is instead is a good read. I am now OK with that.
Oh, and the final thing is that I am back on 10,000 IU of vitamin D a day. It always make things seem not as bad.
So with all of those changes I a little bit more upbeat about life. I was in a extremely dark place for a while. But I think that I might be back. Not back far enough to restart writing 'Everybody vs. The Ferret 3', but back none the less.