tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579305548256152505.post1066329379259532279..comments2012-10-29T13:22:08.968-07:00Comments on Writer's Blog: Here is Chapter 1 of Samurai Zombie HunterCristian YoungMillerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00144345700219458105noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579305548256152505.post-70346627509920309172011-08-03T22:25:33.999-07:002011-08-03T22:25:33.999-07:00Hey, no problem. Sorry I didn't catch you a mo...Hey, no problem. Sorry I didn't catch you a month or so earlier, but I'm glad to hear you are back on track. Cheers!Rex Jamesonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02110714906372459985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579305548256152505.post-78304861200105125812011-08-03T15:04:38.142-07:002011-08-03T15:04:38.142-07:00Hey Rex,
It is a great suggestion to shift around ...Hey Rex,<br />It is a great suggestion to shift around the backstory. I moved everything (up to the end of C.R.A.P.) to a prologue. <br /><br />I'm not sure about changing the third person style because the entire book is written in that style, and I did it for a greater purpose. But I'll see if the editor agrees with you. If so I'll change it. <br /><br />In either case, I thank you for your perspective. I think it has made the book stronger. :-)Cristian YoungMillerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00144345700219458105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579305548256152505.post-4005770802098077912011-08-03T01:09:26.732-07:002011-08-03T01:09:26.732-07:00"You're afterlife is forfeit." shoul..."You're afterlife is forfeit." should obviously be "Your afterlife is forfeit."Rex Jamesonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02110714906372459985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579305548256152505.post-76726026788363759212011-08-03T01:07:14.330-07:002011-08-03T01:07:14.330-07:00So, I'm not sure if you want honest feedback, ...So, I'm not sure if you want honest feedback, but I'm going to give it to you anyway because I can see you are frustrated, and I don't want you to be. Hopefully, you will see this is a friendly gesture and not an attempt to attack you.<br /><br />I think you need to cut almost all (anything more than a paragraph is probably too much) of the origin story for the zombie outbreak. Let me explain why. First, you already skipped it at the front, and I, as a reader, was already with you all the way up to the point where you tried to insert it. Zombies were being chased and killed by people--that actually gives me a lot of backstory. People aren't afraid. They're actually pretty pissed off at zombies. And zombies aren't the end-all-be-all. Zombies are dying. Of course, so is Van's self esteem, but I'm with you, man. Totally.<br /><br />I was reading poor Van's story, and I was digging it. I'm not a big cusser, but I was finding the dialog humorous. Then I hit the Rio substory, and it COMPLETELY pulled me out of the chapter. How far did it remove me? I skipped over several paragraphs. Read a bit again. Skipped over. Etc. until I got to "Van rolled over in bed..."<br /><br />In my opinion, there's only two ways to do this kind of back story and not lose your readers. The first involves just making a prologue before Chapter 1 and going "Here it is, jerks." This is probably the worst thing you could do and it will take some massaging to do it right (or you could literally just regurgitate it there and leave it).<br /><br />The second option is to show this backstory in pieces and only when it's in any way relevant to the ongoing story conflict. Believe it or not, it's not that important to your book. And if there are pieces that are important, you can use dialog or something to bring these out of characters. For instance, the samurai could say "I am here on behalf of C.R.A.P. You're afterlife is forfeit." or something like that, and the character could give us some backstory as he is being chased (or killed).<br /><br />This brings me to the 2nd thing you might want to think about changing. Your chapter is third person omniscient, and it shouldn't be. We're either with Van as he's calling or we're not. In this dialog you are both with Van to describe his reactions, and you are also with his past girlfriends to show theirs. The reader cannot tell where their perspective should be.<br /><br />In my opinion, these two things (1. remove the zombie origin story entirely and 2. stick to Van's perspective only--the dialog is showing the girlfriend reactions just fine) will make your chapter flow much better. This isn't terrible, and you're not a terrible author. Hang in there.Rex Jamesonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02110714906372459985noreply@blogger.com