I'm disgusted with my laziness!

Book: Everybody vs The Ferret: 2
Words: 2,081
Time: 10:30 - 2pm
Mood: A little disgusted
Impression: Kind of funny

I feel like such a slacker loser today! I am only going to write 2,000 words today. Seriously, I had the whole friggin' day. But I decide to go play rugby instead of work. I ask you, will rugby pay my bills? No it won't. But yet, there I was.

But, could I have come home afterwards and write? Yes, but I chose to socialize with a friend's family who is in town. But still, could I be writing right now? Yes... But I'm not. I'm such a horrible slacker, loser. Seriously, I could barely stand to think about it right now. All that comes to mind is a line from a movie, "And this is why you fail."

Ya know, if I ever want to look back over my life and try to figure out why I haven't achieved the things that I wanted to, all I have to do is think about right now and how much of a lazy ass I am and I'll have my answer. I'm just disgusted!

Since I am no longer in the right mindset to write comedy, I need to figure out some way to salvage tonight. Last night I did manage to finish my spreadsheet of book winners and I sent out the email at 1 am. I also added 3 of my books to OmniLit for sale. In spite of the time I wasted during the day, I did manage to do that.

Maybe today I will start sending out some of the copies of Run From The Reaper to the book winners. It usually takes 4 or 5 hours to do it and I usually stretch it over a few days. So if I start now, maybe it will salvage the day in terms of productivity. I can also add a few more of my books to OmniLit. That could make the night productive.

Ya know, I know where my stinkin' attitude is coming from. It's because for the last few days I've been reading about everyone else's book sales for May. There are a number of people who have posted saying that after one month of release they are selling hundreds of books. And yet last night I updated my sales projection for June and July and I'm including numbers like 7 and 10. I actually felt nervous about projecting that I would sell 22 copies of Everybody Masturbates in July. Are you kidding me? 22? I am worried about selling 22 books? And to bring it all back around, the reason that I have to include a number like 22 to is because I'm just such a friggin' lazy ass who thinks they can half ass it through life. I'm so disgusted with myself.

Granted, I do know that I don't actually know how many books I've sold. I could be selling more than 22 books a month. Ahhh, and it hurts my heart that I could actually be selling less. Ahhh! Man I suck!

I think that at some point soon I have to check my sales numbers. With each book I release I am feeling worse and worse about myself. It didn't help that my last royalty payment was the lowest one that I had in months. Granted, it was March and that was the month that I marked my books down to 99 cents. But still...

On a positive note, I do really love my Samurai Zombie Hunter cover. I haven't tested it yet with enough people to gage people's reactions but I personally think it is my coolest cover. Cool, however, doesn't sell books. Genre specific covers sell books. I know that a zombie book with a rotting zombie on the cover would sell more books. The only problem with that cover though is that Samurai Zombie Hunter is a character study as much as it is a zombie book.

Samurai Zombie Hunter is about a very lonely guy who starts to feel even more lonely when he starts cutting off the heads of zombies with a samurai sword. The book isn't about being trapped in a mall with zombies trying to get in. It is about the main character coming to understand what it must be like to be a zombie. It is also about the moral and political implications of dealing with an inevitable pandemic. Crap I'm feeling disgusted with myself again. I couldn't just write a friggin' 'hiding in a mall' zombie book? Such an F'ing loser. I don't deserve to sell any books. I'm such a friggin' loser!

Ok, now that I have cheered myself right up (sarcasm) I am going to try and salvage the productivity of my night. And tomorrow, although I'm sure that it will take me 9 or 10 hours to finish the book, I am going to absolutely give it a try. Even though Roger Federer is play Rafael Nadal in the finals of the French Open tomorrow and I so much want to watch it, I will have to wait until I finish the book to do it. And if I end up finding out the score before I get a chance to watch it, it serves me right. I shouldn't have been such a friggin' slacker today.

Man I'm in a pleasant mood.