Thursday, June 23, 2011

When I was 15 I woke up to find a man standing at the foot of my bed

When I was about 15 years old I was having a horrible life. I wanted out. I was informed that if you wish hard enough your soul would leave your body and be replaced by someone else. I wished really hard and what resulted was something that changed my life.

One night after meditating and wishing really hard I got the unmistakable impression that I would get what I wanted. A few weeks after that I awoke in my bed to a lit bedroom. There was a tall man with a white toga and white beard stand at the foot of my bed. When I saw him I immediately realized that I was in the middle of a conversation with him and that he had just told me what was going to happen during the rest of my life. But when he saw that I was starting to record memories he stopped talking.

The memory of what he told me stayed with me a second longer and then vanished from my mind. In a flash, the only thing that was left was an impression. That impression was that everything that I was going through and would go through would be worth it. The feeling that everything would be worth it changed my life because I then began to act like everything that I was going through was worth it.

This story came to mind because yesterday I wrote about how I was thinking that I had made a mistake 20 years ago by leaving the bliss. Now I think about it and I realize that I can't have it both ways. If I believe that I was an amazingly spiritually connected person at age 17 then I have to also believe that the the most spiritually connected event of my childhood (the story above) was also real. If that story above is real then I have to believe that I left the bliss for a spiritual reason and in the end it will be all be worth it.

I can't pick and choose what I believe. Either I was spiritually connected at 17 or I wasn't. I have to believe that I am. And if I was spiritually connected, then I also have to remember that I didn't make the decision to leave the bliss lightly. I left it because something told me that without a shadow of a doubt that leaving was the correct path. And if I believe that I was a spiritually connected person at 17, I have to believe that I was given a glimpse of my future and that the horrid-ness that I'm going through now is ultimately worth it. Logic dictates that I have to believe this. I can't pick and choose what I believe.

And since I know beyond a doubt that the events of my childhood were real, I have to believe that what I am going through now is worth it. I'm going to be honest with you, right now I love my friends but I absolutely hate my life. I truly and wholeheartedly hate it. I love racquetball and rugby. I love game nights and my physical attributes and abilities. But I hate my life more then life itself. And now logic tells me that even if I don't live to see the benefits, everything that I am going through will be worth it. Interesting. Interesting indeed.

Tomorrow I start editing the book of which I won't speak. I have to believe that the emotional turmoil that I went through writing it will be worth it in the end. Interesting. Very interesting.


  1. This entry was interesting to read. I won your book on Library Thing (I think it's the same one you won't speak of) and just finished reading it. I was curious about you and your work so I looked you up and here you are. :-D

    Since you're re-editing the book, I won't review or rate it yet; I don't think it would be fair to rate a book that is still considered a work in progress of sorts.

    Good luck to you.

  2. Thanks Cyn! Sure, I remember sending you the book.

    The book "that I will not speak of" is my next book. I have to edit that one before I can run the one that you read through another editing program. That way I can run 4 books through the program at the same time.

    I hope that you liked what you read though, because the story won't be changing much at all.