Tuesday, May 17, 2011

You ever feel like giving up?

Book: Zombie Samurai Hunter
Words: 4,000
Time: 11:30 - 6:30pm (minus 2 hrs break)
Mood: Down
Impression: It's good

I wrote 4,000 words today but felt that I wrote a lot more. I had said that I would write an entire chapter today but I can't do it. I took a break for dinner and then watched back to back episodes of Oprah interviewing James Frey. It was interesting. But the result was that I no longer feel like writing. I know that 4,000 words is pretty good for a day, but I was hoping to satisfy a psychological need that I have tonight. And not writing doesn't help me.

I think that the celibacy thing while living alone is causing me to feel things that aren't pleasant. What also doesn't help is finding out that someone that you thought you could be interested in is dating her ex. To be honest I kind of feel like my skin is boiling and I need someone to touch me to remove the heat. And yes that will be mentioned in my book. Most of what I feel ends up in my books. I'm not great with expressing my feelings in everyday life, but I'm fantastic at explaining them to others in stories. I always have been.

And since I barely feel what I'm feeling, I explain my feelings in a way that people who do feel, feel very intensely. But I have to say that today is one of those days when I wish I could just go to sleep and stay there. I think that I have done more than my fair share in life. I could live with that being a completed set.

I imagine that there could be people who read this and think, wow, Cristian really seems dark today. But the truth is that this isn't even close to being a bad day for me. The only difference is that because of what I spent the day writing I feel less capable of hiding it. Man I feel like I'm on fire. Oh well.

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